Handling Susannah Read online

  Adam moved the strap to his left hand and ran his right over her cheeks. He rubbed and caressed, and his gentle touch and the moment of respite caused Susannah’s sobbing to settle a little.

  “You have five more coming,” he said, his voice still stern. “I think it’s better to finish this now, but I will give you your last strokes tomorrow if you really don’t think you can handle more.”

  “I want you to forgive me,” she cried. “I can’t bear you being angry.”

  “I forgive you and I’m not angry,” he said. “But I’m still going to finish your punishment, either now or tomorrow. Which is it?”

  Susannah stared down at the dimly lit sawdust and straw on the floor of the barn. She felt a tear drop off her face onto the ground. Her bottom throbbed, and five more licks would hurt like the dickens. But the thought of going through this again the next day—all of it, the dread, the humiliation of being bared, the pain—it was too much. She wanted to get it over with.

  “Your decision, please,” Adam prodded.

  “I’ll take the rest now,” she said in a small voice. “I don’t want to dread tomorrow.”

  “I think that’s a wise choice.” He placed his hand on the small of her back, holding her in place for the next strokes, which were the hardest of all.

  Each lash fell quickly across each cheek in a row, ending with a final stroke on the sensitive underside of her buttocks. She hissed with pain and wiggled her butt in the air, trying to cool the burn.

  “Stand up,” he instructed, and Susannah did so gingerly. She reached around and rubbed her bare, smarting skin as Adam sat on the bench and tossed aside the strap. “Come lie over my lap.”

  She obeyed. As she lowered herself over his knees and he pulled her close against his body, she started to relax. She would have preferred to have been over his knees in the first place. Lying over the bench felt particularly punishing, which she suspected was his intent. Now, though, he stroked his hand down each hot cheek and then caressed her sore bottom lightly. It felt so good and comforting that Susannah relaxed completely.

  “Better?” he asked, his voice now warm and kind.

  She nodded. “That strap hurt so much,” she whimpered.

  “Mm hmm, I know. I’ve had the strap before.” He continued to caress her in a slow, circular movement up and down each cheek and her upper thighs. “I never want to punish you like that again. Are you going to behave like a grown woman from now on?”

  “Yes,” she said. “It’s just…”

  “What, honey?”

  “I hope someday you like my cooking. It hurts my feelings that you don’t when I try so hard.”

  He maneuvered her around so that she was sitting on his lap and hugged her to his chest. “Trying is what’s important. Like anything else, I imagine it takes practice. Why are you so desperate for my approval?”

  She rested her head on his shoulder. She thought about his question for some time until the answer came to her. “I worry I’m a disappointment to you, since I’m not the kind of woman you wanted to marry.”

  He rubbed a hand down her back. “I thought I knew what I wanted, Susannah, but I didn’t. You’re it, honey. I hope you’ll come to believe that. I don’t care what people think about you, and I don’t care that you can’t cook—only that you try. And I know I’m strict with you, baby, but I think you need that.”

  He continued to hold her until all her tears had dried and she was dozing off in his arms. She went to sleep that night with a smarting bottom and resolve never to behave like a spoiled child again. Adam was right about how she needed him to be strict with her. It made her feel a little embarrassed, and it really hurt being spanked, but it also made her feel loved, forgiven, and accepted in a way she never had before.

  Chapter Eleven

  Susannah fretted about sending her little boy to school, not just because of her fear that children would mistreat him, but also because she felt concerned about Caleb’s behavior. Adam had helped to prepare him by giving him chores and a routine, but she still worried that the structure of a classroom would be too overwhelming for a boy used to spending his days free to do as he pleased.

  She lectured him constantly. The evening before his first day, she said, “Now, Caleb, you’re going to walk with Betsy to school tomorrow morning, and you need to walk with her back home. No dawdling. And you must mind what she says.”

  “Yes, Ma,” Caleb mumbled.

  Susannah rose from the table and picked up the whiskey on the counter. She poured two fingers for Adam and two for herself. Adam remained mostly quiet during these lectures, though he would nod in agreement whenever Susannah would involve him.

  “You must always obey the teacher and get along with the other students, Caleb. That includes sharing and being polite. And absolutely no fighting. Isn’t that right, Adam?”

  Adam swallowed his whiskey. “Mm hmm,” he agreed.

  “You’re going to be good at school, aren’t you, Caleb?” Susannah pressed.

  “Yes, Ma,” Caleb repeated in a weary voice.

  Susannah looked over at Adam to see his lips twitching in a smile. She frowned, not understanding why he was amused. “What’s so funny?”

  Adam cleared his throat. “Well, you might be close to nagging the boy’s ears off. I think he gets the point, darlin’.”

  “I hope so,” she said. “He’s never really been around other children before. I worry about him.”

  “Yes, I was getting that impression,” Adam said wryly.

  Susannah sank onto her stool. Adam reached out, took her hand, and gave it a squeeze. “You’ve raised a fine boy. He won’t let you down. Just today he helped me collect all the eggs from the coop. He waited patiently for supper. He’s a good lad, and he’s going to be that way at school too. Aren’t you, son?”

  Caleb nodded and beamed from ear to ear hearing Adam’s words of praise. Susannah smiled at Adam gratefully. He had become much more complimentary of them both ever since Susannah’s meltdown over supper.

  When Caleb returned from his first day of school with only positive news and excited chatter about the teacher and classmates, she felt relieved, and she began to relax. Her fears were nearly completely gone after a few weeks.

  Because her anxiety had subsided, when Caleb was sent home early from school with a black eye, she was taken by surprise. He walked into the cabin just after noon. Dried tears tracked his dirty face, and his lips were pursed in an angry line.

  She rushed to him. “Caleb, what happened?” Her heart broke at seeing him hurt, and she quickly made a cold compress for his eye using a strip of old cloth.

  Caleb didn’t answer her. He held the cloth to his eye and sank onto the floor next to his blocks. He didn’t play with them. Instead, he sulked in silence. As time wore on, he remained stubborn in his refusal to talk. No amount of scolding or begging or threatening would compel the boy to tell her what the fight was about. The only information she could wrangle from him was that he’d gotten into a fight with Danny Rogers and the teacher had sent both of them home as a result.

  “You know this refusal to talk won’t go over too well with your pa, Caleb. You’d better tell him what happened when he gets home, or you’re going to be in even worse trouble than you are. This is unacceptable.”

  “What’s unacceptable?” Adam asked from the doorway. He stepped in and closed the door behind him.

  Susannah walked to him. Helping him out of his duster, she said, “Caleb got into a fight at school. The teacher sent him home.”

  Adam’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh?” He looked over at Caleb, who was still sitting on the floor, hunched over with the cold compress against his eye. He didn’t look up or say hello.

  “What the devil happened? Is he all right?” Adam asked.

  “He has a bruise around his eye, and I don’t know what happened other than the fight was with Danny Rogers. He refuses to tell me anything else.” She hung Adam’s duster over the hook on the wall. Lowering her voice
, she said, “Please don’t be too hard on him, Adam. I know he must be punished, but—”

  “Hold on,” Adam interrupted. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” He removed his Stetson and tossed it next to his duster, then walked to the sofa and sat down. Susannah remained in place, fretting over whether Adam would be able to get him to talk, and if he did, what the report would be.

  “Come here, Caleb,” Adam said, his voice so stern that Susannah flinched. Remarkably, all Adam had to do was speak, and the sound of his level voice was far more intimidating that her yelling and scolding.

  Caleb placed the strip of damp cloth on the hearth, stood to his feet and trudged over to Adam, his eyes downcast. Adam cupped his chin and turned his face to one side to examine the bruise, then to the other side to make sure he had no other injuries.

  “Doesn’t look too bad. Why haven’t you told your ma what happened?” Adam asked, releasing his chin and pinning him with a stern stare.

  “Because I don’t want her to know,” he explained. The answer was so obvious it would have sounded smart coming from an older child, but coming from Caleb, it sounded like a sincere attempt at honesty. Susannah could see that he was trying to be brave, but his knees were knocking together and his voice wavered.

  “You have to explain better than that, little man,” Adam said, his voice gentling. “Are you afraid of punishment?”

  Caleb shook his head. “Not from Mama. She doesn’t punish me.”

  The confusion on Adam’s face matched how Susannah felt. If he wasn’t afraid of punishment, she didn’t know why he would refuse to talk.

  Adam scratched his beard along his jaw and studied him for a moment before he said, “So you don’t want to tell your ma. Is it all right for me to know?”

  Caleb lifted his eyes to meet Adam’s, and he nodded slowly. Adam glanced over at Susannah. “Give us a minute, darlin’.”

  She scowled, not understanding her son’s reticence to share information with her. “I can’t imagine why he would tell you and not me.”

  “I think I’m about to find out,” Adam said, giving her a pointed look that indicated she was to leave the room.

  * * *

  After Susannah closed the door to their bedroom behind her, Adam turned his attention back to the nervous little boy in front of him.

  A rush of memories flooded his mind. He remembered being a boy in Caleb’s position, needing to explain to his father how and why he’d gotten into a fight at school. He’d been scared, justifiably so. His father had been as strict as his mother was lenient, and the conversation had ended with his father marching him to the woodshed and tanning his hide.

  Caleb was staring down at a button on Adam’s shirt. The only sound was the clock ticking away the seconds, which he knew were very long seconds for the boy.

  “Look at me,” he said, and Caleb obeyed after drawing a deep, shuddering breath.

  “Fighting is against the rules, son, but I know sometimes you have to protect yourself. Who hit first, you or the other boy?”

  “Me,” Caleb said, his lower lip quivering.

  Adam closed his eyes briefly, disappointed over the answer. He sighed and said, “Thank you for being honest. It would be worse for you if you’d lied to me, but I must punish you for starting the fight.”

  “You can punish me, but I’m not sorry I walloped him,” Caleb said, jutting out his chin. “Danny said mean words.”

  “It doesn’t matter, son. You can’t hit people for talking.”

  Angry tears flooded his eyes. “But he said the same words about my ma that the shopkeeper said when we were there buying brown sugar, and those words made my mama cry.”

  That news gave Adam pause, and he felt an ache in his chest as Caleb’s comment sank in. Knowing Susannah’s reputation in town, he was already fairly certain he knew what Caleb referred to, but to make sure, he asked, “What did Danny Rogers say exactly?”

  “That my ma is a two-bit whore.” The boy’s jaw clenched. “I won’t let anyone talk about my ma that way!”

  Adam leaned back on the sofa, gathering his thoughts about how to approach the matter. He looked at the little boy standing in front of him, so brave and stubborn in his love for his mother, and his heart swelled with pride. There was no way he could punish him. He scooped Caleb onto his lap and enclosed him in a hug.

  “You’re not mad at me, Pa?” Caleb asked in a surprised squeak.

  “No, son. You defended your ma. A boy has a right to defend his ma, but there are usually better ways of doing it than hitting. If something like this happens again, tell the teacher.”

  “I will,” he promised.

  “And tomorrow you and me will go talk to Danny and his pa. I’m just as unhappy as you are, hearing that those words were said about your ma.”

  Caleb lifted his head and looked into Adam’s eyes. “I don’t have to say I’m sorry to Danny, do I?”

  “Yes, you do. It wasn’t right of you to hit him.”

  Caleb groaned but didn’t argue. A moment later, he said, “Pa?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What’s a two-bit whore?”

  Adam stifled a chuckle at the innocent question. Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, it’s a real nasty way of insulting a woman, saying she’s not worth very much. People who say those things don’t know your ma like we do. We know she’s worth quite a lot, don’t we?”

  Caleb nodded effusively. “She’s the best ma in the whole world. I don’t want to tell her what he said about her. It’ll make her cry. Don’t tell her, please?”

  “I’m sorry, little man, but we shouldn’t keep her in the dark. She’ll be all right, though, just as long as we let her know how special she is to us.”

  “Maybe I can go pick her some flowers so she feels better?”

  “I think that’s a fine idea. How about you go ahead and do that while I talk to her?”

  “All right,” Caleb said, suddenly cheerful. Adam imagined that defending a woman’s honor was a heavy burden for a boy to carry alone, especially when he didn’t fully understand what that meant.

  Adam stared after Caleb, who bounded out the door to fetch flowers. He didn’t go to Susannah immediately because he dreaded the conversation he needed to have with her. She would blame herself for Caleb’s experience, and it would pain him to see her upset. Still, he felt grateful that he was there to comfort and reassure her.

  When he walked to the bedroom, he found her sitting on their bed, fiddling with the lace at her wrists as she was wont to do when nervous. She looked so sweet and fragile that Adam’s heart ached. This was who his wife was at the core, underneath her temper and penchant for spoiled behavior—a vulnerable woman who loved with all her heart and who didn’t deserve the judgment cast on her by the people in town.

  * * *

  Susannah met Adam’s gaze and saw a look in his eyes that she could only describe as love. Her eyes followed him to where he sat next to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to one of her favorite places, up against his chest. Burying her head there, feeling the comfort of his warmth and heartbeat, gave her a sense of calm. No matter what had happened, she knew Adam would make it better.

  “What I’m going to say will hurt, darlin’, but just think about what a fine job you’ve done teaching that boy compassion and bravery.”

  She pulled away slightly so she could look at him. Confused, she said, “This is about the fight?”

  He nodded and told her Caleb’s story, then said, “He doesn’t know what those words mean, and I imagine Danny Rogers is just repeating what he’s heard.”

  She swallowed, trying to keep the lump from rising in her throat. She’d suspected something like this might happen, so it didn’t take her completely by surprise. Even though the hostility toward her had faded considerably since she’d married Adam, she still felt cold stares occasionally when she went to town.

  “Caleb was intent on defending your honor, and that’s all because of you, sweeth
eart. No matter what anyone tries to say about you, you’re raising a boy who respects women, unlike his father who up and left you.”

  “He’s a good boy,” she agreed.

  “That he is.”

  “You’re wrong about something though,” she said with a watery smile. “His father respects women a whole lot.”

  Adam’s face softened into a smile as he took in the meaning of her words. “You’re right, I do, but I especially respect you, Susannah.”

  She quirked her head. “I love hearing you say that, but it’s so opposite of what others think about me.”

  His jaw clenched, and a flash of anger crossed his eyes. “I know. That’s why you’re worthy of respect. Just hearing what was said about you, well, it makes me so angry I want to tear the town apart. Yet here you are, a generous, kind woman in spite of it all.”

  Susannah’s heart ached with appreciation. “Thank you, Adam. For accepting me, and for everything else. For coming here and running the ranch, for fixing things that need fixing, and for being Caleb’s pa. I hope you know how thankful I am for you.”

  “I do know, honey, and I’m thankful for you too. You showed me what a truly virtuous woman is. She’s someone who loves her family and does her best no matter what people say about her. I think folks will come around to seeing you for who you are, but even if they never do, I’ll always love and respect you.”

  Susannah let out a soft sigh of contentment. Tracing a finger around the hard plane of his chest, she gazed into his eyes and said in a teasing voice, wanting to lighten the mood, “Even when I act like a wanton wench in bed?”

  Adam coughed a surprised laugh. “Especially then. I love the way you respond to me.” To demonstrate, he kissed her until she moaned with desire. He knew how to kiss her in just the right way to fuel her desire—passionately, but not roughly. His tongue teased hers, and his lips latched on and tugged, possessively claiming them as his. She felt small and protected as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.